What happens when we have relationship issues?
It is a great feeling to be in a relationship and get along with the one you work with, the one you live with or with anyone you care about. However, often a lot of efforts are required to make your relationship a happy one. In most relationships, whether it is at work with colleagues or with your manager, at home with your family or your partner, chances are that you might conflict or argue over matters, no matter how petty or serious they may be. It is not easy to find resolution and common ground when the relationships become more tense through the twists and turns of life, when our worries and fears of getting rejected or hurt take over. It can get even more difficult if you have been hurt in the past and in order to protect yourself you put up barriers and defences, keeping the others at ‘arm’s length’, sometimes maybe unaware you are doing it. This in turn may be interpreted sometimes as not caring or as lack of interest. You have to deal with a lot of complexities to keep your relationships healthy and alive, often finding it difficult to choose between your needs and your loved ones/the ones you are in any sort of relationship with.
Relationships without any issues and conflict-free are rare. Many times the most difficult relationships are with our loved ones, and the struggles to find understanding from each other turn into very difficult and painful emotions, influencing our well-being and psychological health. Whether you argue about work, financial issues or about feeling that your needs are not met, these disagreements can easily turn into misunderstandings and isolation, and sometimes in the break of the relationship. One may think that if the other doesn’t do what we asked them, that means they don’t care about us (often without taking into consideration other factors), therefore we ‘shy away’ from them, as ‘they don’t care anyway’. This results in a break of communication and chances are that when this occurs, it may fill both parties with resentment, anger and a focus predominantly on what does not work within the relationship. Hence, it all becomes a vicious cycle and we can become so caught up in our emotions that we may become blind to what drew us to that person in the first place, blind to what they might be feeling and to any way that could make it all feel better.
One thing people usually do is to deal with the practical problems alone. However, some of the underlying difficult emotions would soon resurface, and maybe things that were not problematic before, suddenly become big issues. Your relationship might get weaker day by day. It is wise to seek help for relationship issues from a relationship counsellor who can listen to you objectively, where you can express what you feel in a safe, non-judgemental space. Sometimes, you may discover that the root of the problem lies in your previous experience of relationships, where maybe you got hurt and where you learned to use protection mechanisms. These may differ for each individual and many times we can be unaware of them and how they express themselves in our behaviour, at how they may cause us more hurt than good, and whereas they might have been helpful in the past, now they maybe became outdated.
What is relationship counselling?
Relationship counselling is a process of finding that which stands in the way and makes it difficult for you to have good relationships. It is also a way to enhance and help improve communication between two people, to find ways to hear each other and find a common ground. It may be that you think it is all their fault the relationship doesn’t work and they might think it is all your fault. Others might take all the blame themselves, but at the same time feel that they became a victim in the relationship. But remember, ‘it takes two to tango’. Most relationship problems arise due to the lack of communication and due to painful past experiences. With a little help from a relationship counsellor, you will begin to recognise and slowly change some behaviours and attitudes which maybe be unhelpful. This in turn may change the way the other responds to you and with a better communication you can change things for the better. Sometimes it may be that you recognise that it was an unhealthy relationship for both and you may decide to take different paths.
A relationship counsellor may help you become more aware of your choices, reactions and your inner resources, which in turn will aid your navigation through the complexity of relationships. They support you mentally and emotionally so that you are better equipped to deal with the relationship issues. Sometimes, when the relationships are difficult, people may resort to alcohol, drugs, bullying or other destructive behaviour etc to cope with it. Therefore, it is important to get professional help and stop the damage to yourself/relationship/ the other, before is too late.
How does counselling helps with relationships issues?
Counselling and psychotherapy helps you get a better perspective. It helps individuals make better decisions, become more aware of and change their unhelpful behaviours and thoughts, in order to maintain healthy relationships. No matter what the reason of conflict is, talking to someone who isn’t involved in the relationship helps gain perspective and better insight into your relationships. Relationship issues therapy assists you in analysing the problems and finding the right solutions for you.
One’s past is one of the major reasons for arguments. It is a fact that some past experiences are difficult to forget. Though time passes, often the distressing memories remain in our minds. Relationship counselling can help you release and heal old wounds and difficult emotions. It will also help you think about your options and resources, in order to build your own set of therapeutic skills that works for you to help in all your current and future relationships with loved ones, colleagues and friends.
In case you found this article helpful and would like a consultation or an appointment, don’t hesitate to contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org for relationship counselling in Wimbledon and Blackfriars.